Understanding Fear

Summary

Fear is a word that is not typically associated with a positive experience. I mentioned on a recent social media post that most of my coaching clients are dealing with challenges surrounding, in no particular order, fears, frustrations, dreams, or desires. Mentioning this on video was the primary inspiration for creating this blog post as I’d like to explore this topic a little bit deeper with you. Perhaps future blogs will address the other three areas; for now, we’ll concentrate on fear.

What comes up for you when you read, hear, or consider the word fear? For example, does it bring back memories of times where fear was a prevalent factor in your life? Or does it bring back other memories where, at the end of the day, you realized that your fears were completely unfounded and, ultimately, a waste of your time? I’d encourage you to have a think about this as you read through the remaining content.

In this blog, we’ll discuss the topic of fear; what it is, why it is important, and how you can manage your fears to serve you better.

What Fear Is

Let’s start with determining what fear is so that we have a common understanding. Dictionary.com describes fear as the following:

• A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger
• Something that causes feelings of dread or apprehension
• Anticipation of the possibility that something unpleasant will occur

Importantly, fear is categorized as an emotional response that is triggered by a perceived threat. Depending on what you believe about human evolution, fear can be traced to fundamental survival instincts that humans used to protect themselves from danger, i.e., activating the fight-or-flight response.

The typical cycle for human behaviour or response is that your thoughts influence your feelings / emotions, which then inspire your actions. When considering this cycle

• Your thought is that there is potential danger imminent
• Causing feelings / emotions of distress, dread or apprehension
• Leading to you taking action to avoid, eliminate, or reduce the perceived danger

I encourage you to remember the thoughts, feelings / emotions, actions cycle as this is important in understanding human behaviour context.

What Fear Is Not

To counterbalance the information contained above, we will now review what fear is not. This brings you a balanced viewpoint to be able to holistically understand both sides of what fear is and is not. Fear is not:

• Irrational or abnormal: Fear is a normal human reaction and can play an important part in protecting you from harm
• A sign of weakness: Just because you have fears has no direct correlation to perceived weakness
• Always rational or logical: Sometimes fear can arise from exaggerated perceptions of danger
• A phobia: While they are within the ‘fear family’, phobias are typically a more intense and irrational fear of something specific
• A lack of courage: How you react to and manage your fears will determine your (and others) overall perception of both the fear and your reaction to it. Addressing your fears is an act of courage, not the other way around
• The same for everyone: We’re all wired differently and will all react differently to our fears

How you receive, absorb, and react to fear is not one-size-fits-all, and will be different depending on the perceived threat, your style, and other influencing factors. It is a complex emotion that takes insight and self-work to manage to a point where you can use it for your own good rather than having it be a debilitating influence on your life.

Types of Fear

Different types of fears exist and will be present under different circumstances for you. Some of the main types of fears are listed below:

• Rational: These have a logical foundation and are connected to real threats, e.g., a fire fighter who has a fear of getting burned by a fire
• Irrational: Disproportionate to the actual threat that exists, e.g., fear of being bitten by a poisonous snake when you don’t have a snake, don’t know anyone with a snake, and don’t go anywhere where snakes are likely to be
• Primal: Built into us, innate and (somewhat) universal, e.g., the fear of the dark, being chased, loud noises or heights. Primal fear is based on natural human tendencies
• Conditioned: Learned from experiences or external influences, e.g., fear of failure
• Social: Related to social interactions, such as public speaking, social rejection, or criticism, e.g., fear of not being taken seriously, or not having the social impact you desire
• Pathological: Persistent and excessive typically stemming from mental health conditions, e.g., anxiety disorders
• Trauma-induced: From experiencing or witnessing something traumatic, e.g., fear of losing your job after you witnessed a round of layoffs in the workplace
• Vicarious: Developed through observing others’ fears, e.g., fearing mice because your parent(s) feared mice
• Cultural: Influenced by cultural beliefs and norms, e.g., fear of dishonoring your family in a culture where family honor is highly valued

How does this list resonate with you and your fears? You may be aware of or affected by other types of fears, or possibly a combination of multiple types of fear. I’d encourage you to consider these types the next time fear comes up for you. Who knows, this might provide early-stage clarity on what your next best step should be.

Consequences of Not Managing Fear Properly

Like most things in life, if fear is managed well, you will enjoy an enhanced experience. Conversely, if managed poorly or inadequately, your experience and outcomes will be far less desirable. The following are key consequences of not managing your fears appropriately for you:

• Stress and anxiety: Unmanaged fear can lead to chronic stress and anxiety disorders, impacting your mental and physical health, leading to undesirable life conditions for you and those closest to you
• Inaction: Your relationship with your fear(s) may prevent you from taking critical steps in life, making necessary decisions, or general paralysis against creating conditions that will serve you
• Reduced quality of life: All roads lead to this, which can limit your experiences and stop you from enjoying the life you deserve

I don’t know about you, but this list seems like a real downer and not something I’m overly interested in having exposure to wherever I can help it. The good news is that there is practical help below that will help you manage your fears.

Benefits of Managing Fear Properly

Now onto the good stuff! Being deliberate and purposeful in managing your fears can lead to the following benefits for you:

• Enhanced resilience: Successfully dealing with fear builds resilience to face future challenges
• Improved decision-making: Recognizing and managing fear allows you to make more rational, well-informed decisions, thus enhancing your chances of favourable outcomes
• Personal growth: You knew this would be here, didn’t you? Confronting and overcoming fears can result in significant personal development opportunities both now and in the future

A much better list, I’m sure you’ll agree. So, how do we gain these benefits while minimizing the impacts of the consequences mentioned previously? The next section will explore options and opportunities for you.

7 Steps to Manage Your Fears

Ok, so I’ve talked about managing your fears in the previous two sections, but what does that actually mean for you? As discussed, attitudes to and impacts of fear management is not one-size-fits-all and will involve a variety of factors and situation-specific nuances.

I believe a key component to managing your fears is firstly acknowledging and validating that they exist in the first place. If we pretend or deny that our fears exist for us, we have next-to-no chance of taking any meaningful steps towards managing them, thus exacerbating their negative impact on our life. Below are key strategies to effectively acknowledge and normalize your fears:

• Self-reflection: Take time to understand what you are afraid of and why. Journalling can be a helpful tool to write out your fears and reflect on the possible root causes and triggers. There is no right or wrong way to do this – pick a style that suits you
• Open conversations: Normalize the conversation around your fears. Talk about them with trusted people in your network. The power of verbalizing your fears can make them feel less overwhelming and more manageable
• Accepting imperfections: It is important to understand that everyone has fears. Accept this and the fact that experiencing fear perfectly normal. Acceptance can help reduce self-judgment and negative self-talk
• Educate yourself: Learn more about the nature / root cause of your fears. Understanding your fear and your reaction to the fear can help normalize it and reduce its impact on you
• Reframe your thoughts: Challenge negative thoughts by replacing them with more balanced and realistic ones. Again, journalling can be a useful tool for this

Once you have acknowledged and validated your fears, you are in a more commanding position to take action steps towards addressing them in a way that serves you. The first one on this list is acknowledge and validate; I gave this topic its own section above due to the importance of breaking out this foundational function further for you. The following are the steps you will take after you have acknowledged and validated your fears:

1. Acknowledge and validate: See section above
2. Understand the fear: Determine whether the fear is rational or irrational and explore its roots. Write it down and assign categories to it to help establish reality for you
3. Reframe your thoughts: Shifting your perspective to see the positive aspects and imagine the positive outcomes can help shift your mindset to a more productive and positive place
4. Gradual exposure: Facing your fear in small, manageable steps can help desensitize you to the consequences or outcomes
5. Seek support: Talk to your network or other professionals for perspective, encouragement, guidance, and advice
6. Mindfulness and meditation: Meditation and / or yoga can help you enhance your mindfulness practice, focus on the moment, stay calm, and reduce anxiety associated with the fear
7. Breathing exercises: Deep and controlled breathing techniques can help calm your nervous system and reduce physical manifestations (symptoms) of your fear

Practicing all or some of these steps will move you forward toward a more positive relationship with your fears. Who doesn’t want a relationship that serves you and builds you up instead of tearing you down?

Coach Gaz Challenge: How much time do you spend on fear management? Consider your most prevalent fear right now. Using the 7 steps listed above, apply as many of them as is practical for you and gauge how much more clarity you have on your fear now. What is coming up for you? Please do let me know if this has helped normalize your management of fear.

I’m always open to a conversation on your thoughts, opinions, and experiences on this or any topic in the library. Get in touch by subscribing below, or by using the form on the Book Gary of the site.