5 Steps to Respond to Criticism

Summary

Everyone faces criticism at one point or another. Consider the most recent time when you received criticism; what was the subject matter, how did you react, do you think it was fair and justified? Now, I know that is a lot of information to process early in this blog, so consider in the moment when criticism is present and you must process each of these factors, and more.

In today’s always-on social media culture, you don’t have to search too much to find criticism about pretty much any topic out there. Some of it is downright vicious. While there is a convenience to and somewhat safety in using a social media app to openly criticize someone or something, it does make me think about the impact on this and future generations in terms of how to prepare for and respond to criticism when it inevitably appears.

In this blog, we’ll investigate the topic of criticism; why it is important to recognize it for what it is, and create strategies for receiving, processing, and responding to whatever form of criticism comes your way.

What Criticism Is

For the purposes of this blog, we will define criticism as: expressed feedback or judgment about actions, behaviour, or work. It can, and does, come in various forms, which will be described later, and can come from individuals, groups, teams, organizations, industry representatives, countries, etc.

When used ‘for good’ (i.e., constructive), criticism can be a healthy and progressive dialogue used as a vehicle for meaningful growth and change. When used as an instrument of harm, criticism can be destructive, demeaning, harmful, and any other negative feeling or emotion that comes to mind.

What Criticism Is Not

Most of life comes down to intent. If criticism is delivered with respect, thought, and with a genuine view to help, the chances are that you will have a more meaningful dialogue, open conversation, and an ability to truly receive the messaging the way it was intended.

To this end, criticism is not a personal attack. Even if it sounds like and feels like a personal attack, you should always attempt to focus on the actions or behaviour being critiqued, rather than the individual(s) involved. Consider this when you are criticizing something; what is your general go-to critical ‘style’? Does it focus on the topic (i.e., the action or behaviour), or do you personalize it more than is helpful? If you focus more on the person, then you are moving away from providing feedback or judgment about actions, behaviour, or work, and moving into another realm, which could be insulting, destructive, manipulating, or just being downright mean.

When receiving criticism, it is extremely important to separate the criticism from your own sense of self-worth. I regularly say to coaching clients, “It’s not about you” when they are dealing with a particular challenge, and while this can be difficult to receive and process in the moment, when you can truly adopt an “It’s not about me” mentality to circumstances and life, you will live a freer and more content existence.

Common Criticism Types

Criticism comes in different shapes and forms that will be dependent on a variety of factors, e.g., who is criticizing, what they are criticizing, the medium, timing, style, and perceived importance of the action, behaviour or work that is under scrutiny. Below are some of the main types of criticism:

• Constructive: Feedback that is intended to help the recipient improve, foster growth, and promote development. This could also include providing suggestions for enhancement/improvement and will be delivered in a respectful and supportive manner
• Destructive: Negative feedback that can be aimed at damaging, belittling, demoralizing, or in some way breaking down the recipient. It may be delivered in a harsh or hurtful manner, subtly or passive aggressively
• Public: Shared openly with a larger audience, such as in a public setting or on social media, and can have a significant impact on reputation (both the critic and / or recipient), and may require a strategic response to address concerns or issues raised
• Anonymous: This is where it gets sneaky. This type of criticism is given without revealing the identity of the critic and can be challenging to address as the recipient may not know the source or the motives behind it
• Peer: From individuals who are at a similar level or status. Delivered and received in a collaborative and supportive way, this type of feedback can be valuable as peers usually have a better understanding of the challenges and opportunities faced by the recipient
• Expert: Provided by individuals who possess specialized knowledge, experience, or expertise in a particular field. This type of criticism is normally valuable as it comes from a credible source and can offer valuable insights and guidance for improvement
• Self: Our self-criticism can be, at times, vicious, unwarranted, unfounded, and definitely unhelpful. Consider whether yours is coming from a constructive, destructive, or expert vantage point, and how public you are with this critique. Criticism used well is valuable. Negative self-talk is not

You could experience criticism that spans a number of these types, and your response will be determined by a variety of factors that we will discuss below.

Whether Criticism Should Be Taken Seriously or Not

How seriously you take receiving or giving criticism will be personal to you and dependent on some key considerations. For example, you must respect the source. If criticism comes from a person, group, or body that you have little respect for in terms of their experience and expertise in the particular subject area, it becomes more difficult to accept and act on the criticism. I want to be clear that this does not mean that you must like, admire, or appreciate the source. In fact, it could be the exact opposite of these for you, and this is where your ability to look beyond the individual (including you), and focus on the credibility, validity, and intent of the criticism will serve you moving forward.

Criticism should be taken seriously when it comes from a credible source, is based on valid points, and is given and delivered with the intention of helping.

Criticism should be taken with a pinch / grain of salt when it comes from someone who does not possess the experience, expertise, or understanding of the subject matter. Not all criticism, even if well intended, will be valuable. It is important to consider the source of the criticism and their motives before acting on it.

5 Steps to Respond to Criticism

A key theme to how easy, difficult, enjoyable, or otherwise your life will be is based on how you respond to a given situation or circumstance. This is especially true for responding to criticism that comes your way. Many years ago, I read in a crime novel, “React and you’ll learn nothing”, and in terms of your immediate and longer-term reaction and subsequent actions will be key to what you can and will learn from criticism. Below are 5 key components on how to effectively respond to criticism:

1. Listen actively: Absorb. If delivered by a person, hear out the criticism without interrupting. If it is delivered in writing via another media (e.g., social media), substitute listening with reading intently, suspending judgment, and absorbing the information
2. Reflect: Consider the validity of the points raised. Remove all other factors from the situation and concentrate wholly on the information shared, its intent, and what it means to you
3. Respond calmly: At all times, always. Your reaction is key. Avoid getting distracted (i.e., making the criticism about something that it is not), defensive or emotional. Calmness should be your permanent response mechanism
4. Clarify: Get curious. Seek more details to help you better understand the criticism at all levels. Enter into appropriate dialogue with the parties involved ensuring you have all the information pertinent to the criticism
5. Act: With intent. Once you’ve had a chance to work through items 1-4, your actions are always intended to set you up for success and will be mostly what people remember. Make your actions appropriate to and commensurate with the criticism, which will mean not overdoing things (mountain out of a molehill), or underplaying impact or significance (sweeping it under a rug / carpet)

Consider how you reacted to the most recent criticism aimed at you. Did you follow a process similar to the 5 components listed, or did you employ another strategy that served you? Alternatively, if it did not work out the way you hoped, perhaps you can consider approaching the next criticism using this framework and see how that will help.

How to Protect Your Future Self from Criticism

I continue to reinforce on each blog and podcast published that you have a wealth of information all around you and at your fingertips that will help you establish circumstances that will better serve you in the future. The same applies to criticism. If you approach criticism as a genuine opportunity to learn and grow, your reactions and actions will be more appropriate to you in the future. Consider the following key areas as a refresher on your approach going forward:

• Develop resilience: Use every single experience as an opportunity to build a stronger sense of self-assuredness about who you are, what you stand for, and your contribution to the world. Clearly establish your core values, live to these, and this will assist in your ability to navigate future criticism
• Focus on growth: See all types and forms of criticism as an opportunity for learning and growth. Try to establish a philosophy of gratefulness for the information received, regardless of how ill-intended it may appear, and use what you can to help you grow and develop
• Support network: Surround yourself with good people, seek feedback from trusted sources who have your best interests at heart, and use this feedback to decide your next best step. Try to reduce exposure to negative influencers in your network as much as possible
• Learn from missteps: If you are criticized for a misstep, use the criticism as a tool for self-improvement and continuous learning. Tell people that’s what you’ll be doing and do it. Actions most certainly speak louder than words

You can and should always be looking for opportunities to use your experiences for learning and growth. Actively having the mindset of “What can I learn from this?”, seeking feedback, and practicing self-reflection as a regular part of your wellness routine will set you up for success.

Always set boundaries when it comes to criticism. This will allow you greater clarity on when to accept and act on it and when to disregard it. Just remember that either course of action will involve an action on your behalf.

Criticism can also be a great motivator. Whether you are trying to prove yourself right, disprove an incorrect statement or theory, or prove a critic wrong, motivation can be present to drive you forward. Always act with intent and ensure you’re reacting and acting in a way that serves you and your desires, rather than an emotional reaction to a perceived personal slight or insult.

Coach Gaz Challenge: Recall the most recent criticism that was leveled at you. Applying your learnings from this blog in terms of ways to respond, how different (if at all) was your response process? Is there anything you would do differently now? Please do get in touch and let me know your thoughts.

I’m always open to a conversation on your thoughts, opinions, and experiences on this or any topic in the library. Get in touch by subscribing below, or by using the form on the Book Gary of the site.