How to Fail and Not be a Failure

Summary

Have you ever failed at anything? Me neither, but I bet you know someone who has…

Ok, back to reality. In the last blog I discussed a different way to view mistakes. In this blog we’ll work through an extension of this theme and focus on failing and failure. In general, it’s feasible to understand that no one intends to, nor wants to fail. Now, for context, I am talking in general about people genuinely trying to succeed and not specific to circumstances where failure is the intention (e.g., when stress testing materials to failure point for research purposes).

In this blog we’ll walk through the main parameters of failure, and how it can be used for good rather than a beacon of negativity to use for less than progressive means.

What is Failure?

Let’s start by looking at failure. I believe that failure as a concept is often misunderstood and regularly carries a negative connotation. If we examine that more closely, we can establish whether failure is as bad as it is made out to be.

Failure can be defined as falling short of achieving a desired outcome or goal. Failure presents itself when things don’t go according to plan or when we make mistakes along the way. As discussed in the previous blog, there are different ways to look at things, and I’d like to challenge you to do this with failure. Some points to consider regarding failing / failure are listed below. Failure is:

• A temporary event; not a permanent state of being
• Something that many people fear
• Inevitable; a natural part of life
• An opportunity to grow and learn
• A conduit to gain valuable insights, new experiences, develop resilience, and discover new paths to success
• Valuable feedback on what didn’t work, allowing us to adjust and improve
• A catalyst for resilience, helping you to develop strength to overcome
• An opportunity for Innovation; encouraging us to think creatively, explore new approaches, and find innovative solutions

Important note: From the rationale listed above, failure should not be feared or avoided. What would your life be like if you were to view all failure as a stepping stone towards your goals, a chance to learn, adapt, and improve? I’m not suggesting that we throw a party and pat ourselves on the back each time failure pays a visit; I’m offering a different vantage point from which to view failures that would serve you better and more progressively. Let’s work through the rationale for this.

What Failure Is Not

Having discussed what failure is, let’s move onto what it is not. Some points to consider regarding failing / failure are listed below. Failure is not:

• A reflection of your worth or abilities
• Final
• A reason to give up
• A measure of your potential
• An excuse for inaction
• A sign of incompetence
• Rationale for any form of shame or self-deprecating thoughts

Using any form of event, positive or negative, for anything other than experience and learning is a disservice to you and your potential. Sure, failure can and will hurt, and it is important to feel those emotions and draw energy from them. But what we don’t want to do is use failure as a catalyst for anything that does not serve us going forward. There will be so much rich data available from the failure that you can draw from, and the key is to get to the learnings as quickly as possible while still acknowledging and experiencing what occurred to get you to this point.

Failure and Success

Failure and success are not mutually exclusive; they are interconnected. In fact, failure will often pave the way for success as it is through our failures that we learn, grow, and ultimately chart a more appropriate path towards success.

Consider failure as a stepping stone to success. Literally, consider that very factor right now and apply it to a recent failure event you’ve been involved in. Does that change how you would have reacted, what steps you took, and where you are today in terms of ‘recovery’ from the failure?

Redefining Failure

In the What Failure is Not section above, we discuss rationale for redefinition of the concept and consequences of failure. How does it look for you to see failure as a natural part of the learning process?

I believe that failure is not something to be ashamed of, but rather a life-enhancing stepping stone towards future success. Consider a hero of yours who has faced failure. It could be in any walk of life: business, family, community, actor, entertainer, or your favourite sports star or team. Consider one of their more prominent failures:

• What was the failure?
• What caused it?
• How did they react?
• What was the reaction from the ‘outside world’?
• How did they navigate the outcome?
• How have they used this experience to chart their path moving forward?
• Where are they at now?

The data is there for them and you to use to help shape a more compelling future. A pertinent question to ask at this juncture is, why do some people / organizations seem to use failure as a catalyst towards better times, and others don’t? I believe the answer to that lies in attitudes towards and perception of one’s acceptability threshold for failure and perceived or potential reputational damage caused by a failure.

Failure as Feedback

What if you didn’t fail, ever? It is said, ‘If you haven’t failed, you’ve never tried anything’, and while that is a general statement, there is an element of reality in there. If you live in your comfort zone and do not take even the most calculated of risks, the chances are you won’t experience failure. But what if you looked at failure as feedback? Not an indicator of defeat, but rather an opportunity for improvement. Embracing failure as a means of personal and professional growth could be incredibly liberating.

Can you think of any recent failures that you can turn into valuable feedback for your future growth?

Failure and Innovation

You’ve likely heard stories of how many times Thomas Edison failed before he invented the lightbulb, or about Abraham Lincoln’s less-than-glorious political career prior to becoming the 16^th President of the United States of America. It is fascinating how failure is often an integral part of the innovation process. Some of the greatest inventions came from failed attempts. In fact, failure is a key component of the innovation process. What worked? What didn’t work? Why? How? By embracing failure as a means of pushing boundaries and finding new solutions, we can all unlock greater levels of our creative potential.

What innovation have you experienced as a result of a failure event?

Overcoming the Fear of Failure

It is easy for me to write that failure should not be feared, and should be embraced, but that is easier said than done. There is a deep-rooted psychology behind fear of failure as described below:

• Self-worth and identity: Fear of failure often stems from a belief that our self-worth is tied to our achievements. We may fear that failure will diminish our value or make us appear inadequate in the eyes of others
• Perfectionism: Perfectionists set unrealistically high standards for themselves. They fear that any deviation from perfection will result in failure and judgment
• Negative evaluation: The fear of failure is often fueled by a fear of negative evaluation or criticism from others. We may worry about what others will think of us if we fail, leading to feelings of embarrassment or shame
• Loss aversion: Humans are naturally wired to avoid losses more than to seek gains. The fear of failure is rooted in the anticipation of potential losses, such as loss of status, opportunities, or resources

Some strategies that can be explored and employed to combat the fear of failure are described below using a stop, analyze, learn, and grow structure:

• Stop
  • Reframe: Challenge the negative beliefs and perceptions surrounding failure
  • Set realistic expectations: Avoid setting overly high and unrealistic expectations
• Analyze
  • Separate self-worth from failure: Recognize that failure does not define your worth as a person. Cultivate self-compassion and practice self-acceptance, regardless of outcomes
  • Challenge negative thoughts: Identify and challenge the negative thoughts and beliefs that fuel your fear of failure. Replace them with more positive and realistic thoughts
• Learn
  • Take calculated risks: Gradually expose yourself to situations that involve a fear of failure. Start with small steps and gradually increase the level of risk
• Grow
  • Learn from failure: Instead of dwelling on the negative aspects of failure, focus on the lessons and insights it provides
  • Seek support: Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, mentors, or coaches who can provide encouragement and guidance. Share your fears and concerns with them, and seek their perspective and advice

It is important to remember that overcoming the fear of failure is a journey that takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress along the way. With a positive mindset and the willingness to embrace failure, you can overcome this fear and unlock your true potential.

Summary

You’ll have noticed that I posed a lot of questions in this blog. Failure is an opportunity to stop, analyze, learn, and grow, and at this point I’m not convinced that this is default behaviour. Rather, you likely encounter a rush to deflect, accuse, or blame. The reflective questioning here will hopefully serve you to consider a different and more helpful approach to failure in your future.

The next time you encounter failure, remember that it’s not the end of the road. It’s simply a sign that you’re pushing yourself, taking risks, and daring to pursue the future that you desire. Embrace failure as a friend, a teacher, and a catalyst for growth. See where it takes you.

Coach Gaz Challenge: Think about your most recent failure. It doesn’t matter what it is, how large or small. Now consider your entire reaction to that failure up to this very point. Were you your best self? Did you provide yourself enough grace and space to glean value-add information that would help you in the future? If yes, congratulations. If not, why not? What will be different next time?

I’m always open to a conversation on your thoughts, opinions, and experiences on this or any topic in the library. Get in touch by subscribing below, or by using the form on the Book Gary of the site.